Day 9

Day 9
I spent pretty much all of yesterday power cleaning. And while power cleaning isn't exactly working out, it's enough of a workout to count.
Okay, so not really. But I was on my feet and walking around all day, moving heavy things, scrubbing walls and the floor and pieces of furniture and sweeping and mopping and stuff. And the range of motions required for said actions counts as exercise. Light exercise, but nevertheless.

So I didn't run last night. After working all day long, I just wasn't in the mood for it. I should have. But I didn't. So whatever. I at least ate decently.

I'll post today [Day 10] later. When there's been more day to report. lol. So far I've eaten breakfast and gone to work. But at least I ate breakfast.
I keep saying "at least."  Yeah. That's about how this shit goes for me.

Day 8

Alright! Alright! I promised you guys a One Week Update picture. And as much as it kills me to have to post more half-naked pictures of my fat ass online?  Here we are.  Whatever.  Deal with it.  You're the one looking.

And, eventually, I guess that I'll be posting half-naked pictures of a skinnier ass. Eventually. In theory. At least that's the idea.

Been a good day. That's all you get. Ta ta.

Days 6 and 7

Day 6

Yesterday... yesterday... Yesterday I went to the dentist in the morning and had two fillings done. When I was done at the dentist, I went and found my mom at Home of Economy, where we shopped for stuff for a few more minutes and then went to go get lunch at Hardee's. So we ate lunch, and promptly upon finishing, my tooth starts shocking me. Like, super hot, super strong, but short electric shocks that spread throughout my body from my tooth.  And at first they were painful but not that big of a deal. I took Excedrin.
Mom and I went to WalMart for a couple things. We decided that we'd give my mouth some more time to come out of the anesthetic, figuring maybe my nerve was just waking up and unhappy about being tampered with. It was a pretty deep cavity, after all.
Pretty soon the shocks are getting stronger and more frequent. More intense. Finally I told my mom that we were going to have to go back to the dentist. So we checked out and went.  We called from the parking lot but got no answer. I feared the worst.
Upon our arrival at the office, in the parking lot my tooth [metaphorically] exploded. Simultaneously, I burst into tears. Now, you should know that I haven't cried over tooth pain since my mega-abscess in 3rd grade.  I don't just cry about physical pain.  It takes a lot for me.  But the nerve in my tooth was exposed, and the severe pain washed up over my face and around my skull, down the side of my neck and into my shoulder and chest.
I repeat: My tooth hurt in my CHEST. O_o

It was miserable; I'm telling you.

So I had to sit in my car for 45 minutes while I waited for my dentist to get back so that we could do an emergency root canal on tooth 12, for anybody who knows anything about dental work. It's tooth 12.
Finally I went back inside and sat in the chair. My dentist eventually shows up and shoots my mouth full of novacain. Again.  When he came back in, he was literally in my mouth for a total of 4 minutes and then he was done. And the pain was gone. All gone. My face was numb, granted; but still.

Therefore, all of my afternoon plans were instantly cancelled.  My mom told me that it was gonna take a lot out of me and I wasn't gonna wanna go anywhere. I didn't really believe her because, at the time, I totally felt fine. Great, even!
Only... then we got home... and I wasn't feeling quite so great. So... I took some ibuprofen just in case and went to go take a nap.
Mom woke me up for supper. So we ate... Grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup, btw. Best stuff EVER.  And I got done eating, and I'm sitting there thinking, "Uhhh... bedtime... damnit."

So it's definitely a really good thing I didn't go anywhere yesterday.
Consequently, I also used my dental work as an excuse to avoid running... Only I think I actually did go run my driveway (it's a mile to the mailbox and back) because I'm positive it was last night I got swooped by the bat...
I think?
I totally DO NOT REMEMBER anymore. Drugs. They totally screw with you. Uff-dah.
So: diet mostly intact. Exercise: maybe. Probably.

Day 7
Technically this means I'm supposed to post a picture doesn't it?  I did tell you I would rephoto at Day 7 so that it'd be once a week. But uh... We'll make it Day 8 so I can put it off a bit more. =P
Today I walked a mile with my mom. It was a pretty slow walk, but nevertheless.
And then I went to the fair and ate cheese curds. And deep-fried oreos! hahahaha.  Yes, I really am aiming for the heart attack option.
So today: diet: SCREWED. Exercise: morning mile plus an hour of strolling around the fair (taking pictures and stuff).  Definitely not enough to reconcile the crap I consumed today.
But it was SO worth it.

Also, I feel like I should come clean about 2 things:
1. I'm mostly  putting off taking the picture tonight because I've been in bed the whole time I'm writing this. I don't sleep in pajamas (far too much information for public eye, but whatEVER). And I'm too damn tired/lazy to go downstairs to the family room and relocate my camera, bring it upstairs, put on the appropriate clothing, take pictures, cut them, put them together and then post them.  It's not worth it. Y'all can wait to see... bleh... tomorrow.
2. I haven't been doing abs workouts in the mornings. Not even once so far.  I mean to. Sometimes I even set my alarm for it. But I don't sleep enough to have the motivation to start my day with that much physical activity. It simply isn't worth it for me.  This process is going to keep taking longer and longer the way that I'm going about it, but at least I'm doing something. Making any effort is better than making no effort.  And I'm starting to feel better, thanks to the exercise, so at least I have that.
It's amazing what some added oxygen to the muscles can do.

I'm considering seeing about an athletic trainer when I move to Grand Forks. I know that MSU had trainers that you could get to help you, and I know they were free--because my roommate had one.  I just don't know about UND.  It's possible. I'll look into it. Whether or not I actually employ one? Another matter entirely.  But it's a thought.

So. Picture tomorrow; promise. Not sure why you'd want it. But you'll get it anyway.

That's what I've got.
It's been a week of pretty much NO progress.  Joy of joys.

I would be more optimistic about this because I think optimism would help, but I'm not exactly in the brightest of spirits at the moment. So. Cynicism because I know myself too well. There ya go.

Ta ta.
--Emily Renae

Days 3, 4, and 5

Day 3

I went to the fair.  This should tell you right off the bat that this project got fucked 6 ways from Sunday.  I ate Greek stuff--which was AMAZING but probably super bad for me--and a milkshake and candy from booths in commercial buildings (only a little) and a full soda. And then we went home and ate pizza.
IN MY DEFENSE I was walking around in the super-heat for about 6 hours.  So... it probably cancels a bit of that out, right?  I doubt it, but I'm going to say it does because it makes me feel a little bit better. hahah.

Day 4
I didn't do jack shit yesterday.  Honestly.  I didn't get up and work out.  I didn't take my antihistamine or my multivitamin and I didn't run at night.  And I drank soda.  TA DAAAA! This is how this is going to go.  One step forward and two steps back.  I did walk a mile with my mom, though.  And I did a bunch of cleaning in my room. (Which is what I'm supposed to be doing now.) So at least there was that.  Hardly counts as anything, but it is something.

Day 5
Uh... yeahhh... Considering the last two days?  I'm not posting a picture today. Absolutely not.  I doubt I'll go every five days anyway.  Maybe once a week.  That sounds more reasonable.  I have two more days to catch back up with my bad habit(s).
Even though... uh... I'm going back to the fair on Wednesday... Sigh. #Facepalm.  and I'm going to be even dumber then!  Because that's just how I roll. lol.
Welcome to my life.

I have a feeling this cruise isn't going to be nice to me either.

But I am intending to run tonight.  I'll desperately need a shower by tonight anyway, so I may as well earn that bugger.

This is about as hard as I knew it'd be.  Maybe I'll get a personal trainer at UND to help me.  We'll see what happens.


I think that having to admit to the public that I have horrible nutritional/health habits is enough to keep me in a 'moving forward' motion.  I mean, yeah, I screwed up the last couple days, but that's life.  The fact that I'm not giving up with "this is too much for me to accomplish" kind of says something.  I've done it almost every other time (though not quite this early yet, I don't think).  so we've already made progress!

Or something like that.

--Emily

Day 2

I hereby claim an exemption from any abs workouts to take place in the morning following a night during which I do not sleep.
Last night, I finally went to bed somewhere around 1ish or something like that and proceeded to toss and turn and shift and wiggle and fidget and overheat and freeze and be tired but AWAKE GODDAMNIT until approximately 5.30 this morning. Or somewhere in there. I don't really remember.
So when I woke up at 7.30 to do the morning portion of my new workout schedule, having slept a grand total of like, an hour and a half (because the sleep was not continuous in that 2 hour period), I said "screw that shit" and didn't get up.  Of course, my alarm kept going off every five minutes for me, just in case somewhere along the line I changed my mind. But I didn't.
And then I ended up late for work anyway.  So that kind of sucked.
But that's the situation.  I'm half a bottle of water down and lunch is in half an hour. I should have eaten breakfast but, as it was 9.05 when I left my house, I just didn't bother.  My mom offered me a peach, but I didn't want to make that big of a mess in my car.
Considering how my stomach feels, I probably should have.  Oh well.

Also, I decided that I'm only going to post picture(s) every five days. The next one will be on Day 5, 10, etc. Which I realize is 4 days and then 5 days, but whatever.  There don't need to be that many shirtless pictures of a pudgy Emily on the internet. There just don't.
So that's that.

Day 1

Here's the rundown.

Every day I'm going to do an abs workout in the morning and go for a run at night.  This project formed mid-afternoon, so it's started with a run.  The first pictures are prior to said run, therefore making them the Base picture.
I am not proud of this [picture].  In fact I'm extremely embarrassed.

But one has to start somewhere.

The Explanation

So here's the deal:
Every legitimately, recognizably really-attractive boy I have ever started talking to or gone out with has totally jumped ship in short order of meeting me (save the newest one, but the paranoid part of me says it's only a matter of time.  I try to make it shut up), regardless of the intellectual/emotional connection we've managed to build/establish or whatever.

Clearly, this says that the pictures I post online are more attractive than I am.  How does that work?  Photo editing software.  I've gotten really damn good at them.  See, I figure that if I'm going to put pictures of myself out on the internet where they can be seen and had by about anybody, why the hell would I put one up that makes me look bad?  I'm going to make myself look as good as possible, even if it's kind of a lie.
I edit out acne. I airbrush out the unevenness of my skin tone. I fix the exposure/contrast/color of the photo itself so that it doesn't look like shit.  And I cut it so that I don't have fat bulges/rolls within the frame.
Cheating? Obviously.
But it's just how it is.

I am tired of being overweight. I am tired of having fat rolls. I am tired of being squishy. I am done being unhealthy.
Starting today, I'm putting myself on a diet and exercise regimen, and I intend to stick to it. I'm cutting soda out of my diet and I'm done snacking. I will drink at least three (12 or 16 oz) glasses of water a day. I will take my multivitamin and my antihistamine without fail.  Alongside the diet, I will do an abs workout in the morning when I get up, and I will run at night.

I intend to lose at least one, preferably two or three dress sizes.  The time has bloody well come.

For the record, I'm not doing this because other people don't think I'm good enough. That's not what this is about. This is about me making myself healthy and happy.  This is about me turning my life into something that I'm honestly happy with and proud of.

I'm going to warn you now that the pictures I post on this blog will not be edited. Not even a little.  Even though I want to.  And I'm going to warn you that, in the beginning, they sure as hell aren't pretty.  I am embarrassed by what my body looks like, even though I probably shouldn't be.  This, of course, means that I'll be posting essentially "naked" pictures of myself on the internet. But I don't give a rat's ass anymore.  This project has a purpose, and maybe people can find motivation in my story.  Maybe.

I will need all the support I can get for this process.  I don't want anybody to tell me that I look fine, or that I don't need to lose weight to be beautiful, or that thick girls are pretty too. While all of these are probably/definitely true, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT. So do me a favor and don't say it.
I cannot lose dedication to this project. I just can't.  This has to happen.  The time has come.